I have a long list of deadlines and to-do’s that are being piled up. But I’m looking forward to what’s in store for me after everything is done. Slow progress is still progress!
So what’s the hold up? I guess a lot of tinkering inside of my box.. a lot of oiling. A lot of internal workup that is beyond what I do as uhm typical ME… you know, the girl who takes pictures. :3
Surely there are stacks of photo albums and submissions that have been set aside, and I promise they are still in the works but I cannot focus on the entire facade. I want to do everything with all of me, and not just a portion of my attention. So every time I switch into places, I completely disregard one thing until the next time I continue. Say, my studies vs my photography.
Both are unequivocally important. And I could choose to whine or just FOCUS and disregard all the stimuli around me. Sometimes it came down to sacrificing a lot, doing what I don’t normally do just to make one GOAL pursued.
February should be some sort of a roar. I am in the process… I shouldn’t give up now.
Modesty aside, I believe my relationship with God has always been constantly afloat. Be it a minute zit conundrum or a life-turning issue, problems has always kept me anchored onto my faith. Problems being constant, I often speak to the the man upstairs for help, and most times, to give thanks. I might pray under my breath, I might have it unsaid in my thoughts, or I might record it in my phone, write thousands of drafted prayers… either way God is on my mind, always. I have never felt so close to HIM until now that I am a struggling adult.
So when my sister confronted me with a question, “HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU WENT TO CHURCH?” What seemed to be a simple question seemed to be rhetorical to me. She must have wanted to say, “Why don’t you go to church?”, but she chose to be unoffensive. I have never brought my kid to church, let alone myself. Someone would readily assume I have turned cold inside and turned my back on the religion I was assigned to. That is the truth, but not entirely. God isn’t found in any four-cornered wall with a human being speaking in his behalf. And that is a very bold opinion, and people are welcome to throw stones at me.
But people have got to understand… and not judge me. Life taught me to find God within me. It’s in the inner peace I find when I remain true to myself, when I follow the burning passion within me to do things and create things with the talent I was given, it’s in how I remain kind to people in my thoughts and in my actions, to keep the goodness within me to utter only what does not harm and does not hurt, to share without even thinking what the gain would be, to love endlessly, to respect my body and my whole being… I find God when I cry, when I laugh, when I breathe, when I pray on my own. God has always been reachable and convenient and most people do not realize that. People go out every Sunday, dressed up with their family, and god forbid they miss one Sunday, they obsessively hang on to their notion that God will unforgivingly throw them punishments for not attending church. God has always been understanding. And there’s no way that HE IS THAT KIND who imposes irrational rules. I find God in moments I am flooded with wisdom and clarity amidst confusion… and there’s so so much more I wish a lot of people could realize.
In short, I guess I do not want to share a literature of combined views about God with other people and limit myself on imagining the magnitude of his greatness. It only weakens my faith rather than reinforce it. I guess I do not want a human being preaching in behalf of God because I do not want to scale Him down that way. God is so vast that the universe is an understatement. I do not want to put tangibility on my faith.
A couple of encounters with you was no longer than a point zero something of my whole life. But it didn’t really take that much to know that you are someone who is remarkably genuine. You have a very easing demeanor that it seems impossible to not bask in it. You have that bold honesty but comes with it are tact and etiquette that only a true blue gentleman could ever possess. Gentleman, because I am a lady and I perceive you as one. ;-)
We might not ever share that planned coffee date anymore, or we may… and maybe repeat it a hundred times over our humanely short lifetime that it will become sickening to do it way too much but… point is, I am glad our paths intertwined. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks to your sister’s engagement shoot, and to the job I was offered to do side by side with you. Have I said “NO”, then none of this would have happened— not our vanity shots, not our kite-flying moments, not our endless talks on society’s ethics… not even our hilarious moments with Audrey and the legendary chauffeur who we mercilessly called “BJ” and “bukol” over and over.
Let this be a simple memoir of our times shared.
Your brand new friend,
PS- Be a law-abiding law student. I might need you in the future! And if I will, please try your hardest to keep me from prison.
We both know we’ve gone too far in life to rightfully claim that we have the many firsts in relationships with each other. That is very far from being possible. But it’s not impossible if we try to see it in a different light. I see so many firsts as I peek through a kaleidoscope of different possibilities… If you think of it I have had so many firsts with you. :3
It’s my first time to drink my favorite Starbucks Green Tea Latte with someone I adore while watching boat-rowers and chatting endlessly.
My first korean pig-out with a guy who basically doesn’t know 97% of the menu. Hahaha. We had the tummies of a hungry mob and we picked out the most uniquely appetizing resto along Session Road that could fill us up in an instant.
My first date at a street food joint and a night-to-dawn market of ukay-ukays. I give my salute to this guy who doesn’t care if I thrift shop or splurge from labels, online shops to ukay-ukays. All he really cares about is what makes me happy. :) Hihi.
First time to go on a late-night drinking spree with a guy. And I could be sure I am protected and safe even if I pass out. LOL.
The first guy to ever overuse the peace sign in every photo. NEVER FAILS! Hahahaha.
Our first nature-tripping date— enjoying pine trees and high-altitude air, eating fresh fruits, smelling horse poop, and appreciating real poinsettias.
First lunch date at a hill side while overlooking the horses at Wright Park. It was a hearty lunch with plenty of stories and future travels to talk about. ;-)
First time to get caught in a lush botanical garden with an opposite sex without hearing any complaints against floral madness! He actually appreciated the plants and even snagged some for his home. Quite unlikely but I think it’s a good thing. ;-)
For all the many other firsts! Cheers, min kjœrlighet!
I overheard a few people at home saying they have been unusually sleepy yesterday. I felt the same way actually. I was extremely sluggish and unproductive that I totally couldn’t work on my laptop without falling asleep. If it’s not my coffee withdrawal, it’s probably because we are on HIBERNATE mode. Although it’s not winter per se here in the country, I believe that it’s our body’s instinct to reserve and preserve energy during the coldest months by putting us on sleep mode, and by signaling us that we need to pack on extra calories for energy (thus we are unusually hungry as well). It’s a primitive automatism of our physiology. It’s either that, or I’m just rationalizing my being-a-lazy-fat-ass.
There’s so much shiz going on this November and I am getting all hyped up. I’m up and about doing photo shoots and styling for other photographers, just being on the road with people (seeing both new and old faces). It has only been a month and I feel like I’ve been given all sorts of “busy”, it’s sometimes too good to be true. This is what I like. I like dressing up in the morning, with hardly any sleep, not enough time to prepare for what’s coming next, packing my bag, filling my tumbler with caffeine for the road, enjoying all the sight-seeing, going home tired as fuq, and doing it all over again the next day. It reminds me a lot of 2012. It was the same AUTUMN-y feel. I always make it a point that, I get to be the compass for my team, always pulling them towards forests and open air. I just have that selfish feeling of having the need to feel the autumn breeze, if there was such thing as autumn in the Phil. But who cares man, I want to see dead leaves, and bald trees, and feel the gloom of dying plants… and get wind burns from this chilly season. I love this part of the year. I love it to death.
My boyfriend has a habit of keeping plastic and paper bags because he loves to recycle. He always finds a good use in what most people throw in the bin. Other people’s trash is always his treasure. I kept one of his paper bags with me from 7-11. Since I have no table lamp in my room at my grandparent’s house, I used the paper bag to improvise. Time to see how far my recycling skills would go!
The end result is this! It’s really cheap yet it looks chic. It only took me 5 minutes to finish this one!
So here’s what you’re gonna do… Firstly, grab everything you need.
1. Cut out a shape on your paper bag’s front side. It could be any shape! But I chose heart. I want to see a glowing heart because it symbolizes how mines glow because of my boyfriend. Omg I’m so cheesy, kill me now. *regurgitate*
2. Use the cut-out shape to trace the same shape on your lace. Make it at least an inch bigger.
3. Tape the lace on the inner part of your paper bag, exactly where the hole is. This will serve as your lining.
4. Now cut a 2-inch hole at the back side of your paper bag. This is where the Christmas lights’ electric cord is gonna exit.
5. Now cut out a hard paper with the size and shape of the bottom of your paper bag. This will serve as your lamp’s flooring. Then place it neatly inside.
6. Now put the Christmas lights and place it at the bottom. Pull the plug out from the back of your paper bag where you cut a 2-inch hole. Pull out at least 2-3 feet length of the Christmas lights so it can reach any outlet.
7. Fold down the top part of the paper bag thrice. Tape it or staple it in place.
8. Plug it and… voila!
Now I have a night lamp, I’ve recycled something and helped the world (even just a tinny bit), and I’ve made my boyfriend proud! Anyways, this project is dedicated to him. :-)
PS- Please do not use cheap Christmas Lights as they have the tendency to explode and might cause house fire. The more expensive the lights are, the more heavy duty it is. I use Starry String Lights .They’re about $10-$12 for the shortest length. It doesn’t use up so much electricity too! I got mine as a gift last Christmas but it is available on amazon.com for you guys.
I stand barefoot in front of my bedroom door with a knife in my hand, my toes feeling the rubble of dust and splinters from prying the knob open. I could feel my chest hiccup and my eyes burning. I was about to well tears like a baby. Frustrated and stressed, I was beginning to succumb to my subconscious spelling out my idiocy. How could I be so stupid? l closed my eyes and imagined the keys hanging in there, mocking me. Three friggen’ identical keys locked inside. “For the love of God, smash the door!”, my own mind seemed pretty pissed off too, now. But NO. I have all the time in the world to call a locksmith, wait for the locksmith, watch the locksmith work, pay the locksmith, thank the locksmith. Because the last time I smashed a door into smithereens, I had the need to. This time, this door doesn’t fence me out from a person who took his own life. I have all the time in the world to be locked out of this room, this room with an empty floor. I can wait…
"I just want you to adore and love the shit out of me. I just want you to miss me more the longer I’m gone so you would cross seas just to be beside me. I want you to look at me differently like there’s no other person that you’re supposed to be looking that way. I just want your Universe and my Universe to be one. I just want to be the only one. I just want to be your only one. I just want to own every second that you breathe. I am selfish, god damn I am selfish. Yes. I want you endlessly.
I always give every drop of the concentrate of my every being, and I want your everything or nothing at all. What part of that is very hard to understand?”
Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? - AM. “We both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things you can’t say tomorrow day. Crawlin’ back to you, ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? ‘cause I always do.”
Finding a good lighting is the key to a nice selfie. It makes you look fairer. A good window lighting is a good example but certainly a thin curtain (most preferably WHITE) will soften the harsh sunlight from the outside. The window reflection also creates a nice white gleam on your eyes. Master using the back camera of your iPhone especially if you’re stuck with 4S (since front cam is always grainy and low res). It is very inconvenient but you need to learn how to hold still and master where the shutter button lies. Blind shot, but practice makes perfect. And it’s okay to have 10-15 tries until you get a good one. A high-def selfie always looks better than a grainy one so deal with it! This is why I envy iPhone5 and S4 users!
Front Cam pictures are usually grainy and low-resolution!
Here’s a back cam image of me! You can see that there’s a ridiculous amount of difference!
If you have a phone app that can adjust the shadows and highlights of your image, you can also play with it. If you get the right adjustments, you can bring out the crispness in details such as your hair strands, your lashes, and other textures or even bring out the color of your eyes. You can skip skin softening! Milias, pimples, blackheads, whiteheads, zits, female mustache, they all bring interestingness so leave them!
This photo was taken with my iPhone 4S back cam edited with Adobe Photoshop for iPhones. Thank you for reading up to this point. xoxo
Hi dear :) My name is Sarina and I am helping a nonprofit named Soles4Souls with an art project to help increase brand awareness and donation funds. Can you please help by submitting a photo to my blog(s4sproject)? Your photo should look like the others I posted on my blog, but I won’t post yours unless you want me to. I will recreate your photo as a painting in a mural that is donated to Soles4Souls’ fight against poverty and those who go daily without shoes and other necessities. Thank you!
I would love to help! I’ll find some time to take a photo of my feet later tonight! :3
Hi beautiful! I just want to ask if your hair is naturally brown? Hehe
My hair is naturally DARK. Not brown, not the healthy kind of black either. I don’t know what shade it naturally was but it always looked unhealthy with no luster, and appeared lighter towards the ends because of split ends. I dyed my hair black a lot of times during high school to mask this color with a 20-peso henna powder. Haha!
It has been a monthly habit for me to grab the latest YUMMY magazine from the rack every grocery trip. I always have my grandma in mind coz she loves copying recipes from the magazine. After she reads the whole mag, best believe she’d hit the market and do her kitchen experiments.
And lately, she tried making gising-gising version 3.0. LOL! With more ground pork, coconut milk, baguio beans, and pineapple chunks. And of course, a gising-gising is not gising-gising without the chili overdrive. It was pretty good. Not for the kids and the wusses but of course, spicy and creamy were my kind of combo so I was, without a doubt, an instant fan. It deserved a picture so naturalmente, picture picture ang GRAND DAWTER. Siyempre bet na bet ng lola yan!
What food would I request if I were sentenced to death?
Doc Robbie’s Cheese Cupcakes
One word: deadly.
I cannot believe that these home-baked goodies aren’t mass-produced yet! But then again, good things such as an uber delectable cheese cupcake along with a Louis Vuitton chrysanthemum tea are meant to be enjoyed in privy with the The Secret Supper Society (I’d like to call ourselves)!
Thank you Dr. Robbie and Dr. Grace for the cupcakes today! You have made my cheese cupcake dreams come true. If cheese cupcake-munching was an addiction, you guys are the enablers to my doom.
Last night I had another episode of mental breakdown. I felt like one string away from falling apart. It’s again caused by one of those adult problems that I still cannot fathom myself solving as I am confused whether I am equipped to handle the pressures of adult life or I am still a yuppie and fucking things up is completely forgivable. Paying bills, taking care of everyone, making sure that everyone is fine, and needs are provided for in the household— these are some of the things that overwhelm me sometimes. Not that I am the bread winner, but being the second adult next to my grandma automatically puts me in a position where I have to at least have the initiative to look after everyone when she couldn’t. Trying to open up a conversation with my hormonally-enraged sister about discipline and thrifting wasn’t exactly a good idea either when she shut me out and basically said SHE HAD NO TIME for that shiz and turned the other cheek. I had enough and just bursted into tears, of course, in secret.
I cried like an idiot in my room and instinctively dialed my best friend’s number as I know she would answer even in the middle of her fecal activity or what not. Basically, she told me to breathe. And as I was told to do, I went out for air. I washed my hair, and half squeezed the water with a towel. I didn’t bother drying it well since I’m still gonna be drippy under the rain anyways. I grabbed my hoodie and squeezed myself into it. It has gotten a little tighter since the last time I used it. I decided not to change my shorty shorts, even if my buttcheeks were peeking out, I didn’t fucking care anymore. Popped my earphones in and played Paramore then headed out.
I didn’t know my boyfriend was sitting outside our main door, sitting under the shadows, lurking like a predator. Here’s the thing about him. Not only is he mysterious, but he likes to Ninja his ways into places. He usually sits in the weirdest corners of the house. I only realized he was there when his cellphone lit up and he made scratching sounds on the floor as he stood up. He asked me where I was going. I snarled and said “NOWHERE”. I hastened my foot steps because I do not want him to follow because wanted to be alone yet… weirdly, I also wanted him to chase me. He got the message and halted in mid-walk. I have already walked six meters away from my house when he probably couldn’t take it because I heard the metallic clanking of our gate as he closed it behind him and briskly walked after me.
I felt him grabbed my hand, his slender muscular fingers slithered their way into mines— a shorter and paler version of his. I have always wondered why our hands freakishly look similar. Like he is the male version of my hands, only veiny-er and larger. His hands are handsome, and mines are beautiful, I’d like to think conceitedly.
He slowed down and began to walk in rhythm with mine. He squeezed my hand as if he was trying to tell me to slow down and maybe start telling him what was wrong. But of course I didn’t budge. I kept walking and walking not even looking up. I know in the corner of my eyes he was trying to catch a glimpse of my face, but I hid it under the curtains of my hair though I unabashedly bawled as we walk, wiping my fat tears with the sleeves of my sweater. I knew he was looking at me, but he respects silence, therefore he didn’t speak and just continued walking with me aimlessly.
He finally asked, “Where are we going?” I did not know where either. So we continued walking down the wet streets, while the drizzling continues. And then out of nowhere I began taking it out on him. I nagged and told him I felt alone back home, that he wasn’t there to hold me together when I was falling apart, and blah blah blah. All my feelings just went out of the window, and shot up in the air like shards. I knew I hurt him very bad. But he didn’t talk back, he just didn’t speak. His silence left me embarrassed with my own thoughts and my own little speech. Instead, he squeezed me tighter. In one shining moment, I felt clarity. My own voice reverberated in my own head and had short moment of reflection. He has always been there for me. And in that very moment, he was with me. Turned out, he was gonna let me WALK ALONE but my protection was far more important to him. He wanted to be there for me. In my mind, I was saying… “This guy is the best guy I have ever met.”
I began to worry that he is gonna catch cold. He wasn’t as warmed as I was with my hoodie so I made a quick turn to McDonald’s. Still clasping hands, I pulled him towards the counter and ordered two brewed coffee. He snickered, probably thinking it was funny how dramatic I was when all I wanted was a cup of coffee. I snickered as well coz the long emotional walk was pretty unnecessary. His smile warmed every inch of my body and I felt sane again.
Finally we both knew where to go. We held each other and walked pass McDonald’s towards the inviting reflection of the bridge’s tungsten lamp posts on the pitch black river. The reflections danced and flickered like cello strings. There wasn’t any better view than this. It felt like it was catered just for the two of us. The headlights that passed by over the glassy river were rather pretty so we sat there on the wet ground with our coffees. Then I started opening up. Relief was all over his face, because finally, I opened my mouth. It goes to show that the man next to me is the kind who is sensitive and selfless. My feelings mattered to him. I knew from his responses that he understood me in a manner that only I could understand me. It’s as if we think alike. His feminine side makes him more masculine than any other tank-bodied steroid-fueled machos out there.
I couldn’t think of any other perfect night than that night to confirm how much I feel for him and how much he feels for me.
We capped off the night listening to Paramore as we walked home. He looked at me lovingly with his beautiful smile. He makes me feel beautiful and special. In that moment, I prayed to God that we will last forever.